365 Month 0, Year 2

::iconcommissionsask: 


May 2015

If it looks like I'm trying harder, I am.

Right now, I'm mentally... I don't know if stressed is the right word. I forced myself into this challenge a year ago, but now something's different. Maybe I am on the verge of learning something new or getting something down I wasn't understanding before.

I don't like to sketch or do linework, and that's something I have to work on.

I want to figure out this damned coloring style I really like but can't find references for, so I'm winding up making this up as I go. THat's it. THAT's what's driving me nuts. I wish someone would tell me what I am doing. I wish someone would tell me, "Oh you're doing (xyz) type of style" so I could go "oh! ok I can google this and figure out what I'm doing wrong. Why I'm not happy with my results. Why this isn't going as fast as I would like it.

What if it has no name. What if I am making something that doesn't exist yet? That is terrifying to me. Because it's not like I know what I am doing! I didn't finish art school or get prestigious training, or practice drawing from real life references every day!

...

But I know more than when I started a year ago, so that's quickly becoming a lie. I can't explain it, but I can sort of see what I am doing now for some things, especially when I color.

So now, I'm doing something along a colorist painting method. But I didn't read the instructions fully in google and sort of just looked at the pictures as I was skimming. Because this wasn't what I was looking for, only part of the answer. It's so frustrating, forced to learn by looking at someone else's work...

But isn't this what art students do?

I practice virtually every day, hours at a time doing art after work and full time on the weekends. I don't think I should label myself "Hobbyist" anymore. Hobby is something you do occasionally. This is my 2nd job in a sense and something I am determined to see through.

Year 2: I am an art student.